This is the page for the Joey Riot Board Game

The following things are things which can happen in the game.

you see a dog daisy - advance 3 squares
you get cornered by some girls - miss 1 turn
your doctor injects you with aids - pick up a mutation card
a spy injects you with aids - pick up a mutation card
your therapist injects you with aids - pick up a mutation card
a priest injects you with aids - pick up a mutation card
a stranger injects you with aids - pick up a mutation card
an ant injects you with aids - pick up a mutation card

Here are some of the possible mutations.

1. large ears
you have large ears on the back of your head and on your face
2. 3 noses
you have 3 noses - but they are inside a sewer
3. 15 tongues
you have 15 tongues, each of which has 15 mouths. they keep stealing your food - for a joke
4. spine spikes
you look like a spinosaurus and you keep eating binlids
5. chris returns
chris is back - and he keeps telling people that you are jewish
6. kangaroo foot
you have one kangaroo foot, and one normal foot. you have to learn ballet
7. inside out man
you are literally inside out - but people still keep laughing at you - you don't know why. one person uses you as a bikestand
8. the spider
you have the body of a massive spider and you eat crows
9. the marshmallow
your body is made of marshmallow, and chunks come out whenever you talk. you have a strong lisp
10. the sandman
sand is coming out of your shirt sleeves
11. eye people
a team of scientists have set up a base inside your eyelids. their command deck is in your eyeball - and it has several floors. they think you can't see them, but you can
12. non-removable shades
you can't take these motherfuckers off
13. teflon man
your face is made of teflon and has the word tefal on it
14. the viking
you have a full blond hairdo, beard and moustache. you keep saying the word 'sweden' and punching your own face SEE FOOTNOTE
15. body hair guy
your body hair is 15 metres long
16. ED-209
you are a real-life ED-209 with no bullets
17. inverted alimentary canal
describing this would be just disgusting, to most people - but you prefer it
nice quack
you walk round shouting 'im scottish bite me' and you lose the game - you are bitten to death
20. EAT ME
you walk round shouting 'im scottish eat me' - and you then start running - you are out of the game


FOOTNOTE by the way, have you ever looked at a map of scandinavia ie. norway + sweden + finland? it looks like a massive two-headed cock with a massive overgrown sweaty ballsack. your words, not mine. your penis, not mine. YOUR PENIS LOOKS LIKE THIS AND MINE DOES NOT fuck this i am through

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